"Christ holds the Moon to the Earth, not Gravity"

Well, Doug Wilson is at it again.

The latest issue of the fundamentalist evangelical publication Credenda/Agenda, a magazine edited by Wilson, is titled "Against Gravity" and provides a few critical Biblical exegeses disproving physics and the laws of Nature. Credenda/Agenda has credibility stamped all over it (so much credibility in fact that if this metaphor were real one could not read the text because all the red ink reading "credibility" would obscure the letters...thank God it's just a metaphor). Anyway, as a man who respects science, I am thankful that the authors of Credenda/Agenda have gone to such lengths in researching and disproving physics. The authors numerously cite Biblical passages that contradict our modern, wacky scientists' "Laws of Nature." Have these scientists even read the Bible? Wilson and others have, which, to me, speaks volumes about their authority to comment on physics and science in general.

Let's take Douglas Jones' article, "In Defense of Wind Grasping," as an example. Jones provides us with a stunning (and, in retrospect, completely logical) revelation:

"Grace rules everything. We see that in one of the most radical, provoca-
tive statements in all of Scripture: “All things were created
through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in
Him all things consist” (Col. 1:16,17). In Him all things
consist. A person holds the universe together—no laws, no
impersonality. Christ holds the moon to the earth, not gravity.
Christ touches mountains and they smoke (Ps. 104:32), not
magmatic pressure. Christ grips each human body, not short
bands of collagen fibers. Christ “has measured the waters in
the hollow of His hand, measured the heaven with a span” (Is.
40:12).
There are no laws of nature.
There are no impersonal forces.
There are no necessary connections.
There’s Christ, the logos, the logos who ate fish and bled
and turned over tables. A person holds all things together by
grace, by love."

I am unsatisfied with the modern explanation that gravity holds the Moon to the Earth (after all, gravity is JUST A THEORY...like that wicked theory of evolution proposed by that Devil-worshipping, fudge-packing, sodomizing asshole Charles Darwin). It makes more sense that Christ is simply holding on to the Moon and He has for all of the Earth's history (6,000 years). Jones also confirmed my suspicion about those secularist scientists:

"The fact that just about everyone so adamantly wants to
impose rules and laws on chaos suggests she (Chaos) got something
right. When pagans and Christians, Europeans and Asians,
scientists and poets, North and South Dakotans, all insist on
gagging her with formulas and algorithms, you know some
conspiracy is at work."

I find Jones' theory more satisfying and credible for three primary reasons:

1) It's simple (and therefore the best explanation according to those manipulative scientists and their crazy "Occam's Razor" law. Ha! What fools!).

2) It uses the Word. God created the Earth and the Heavens (including the Moon) and man and everything else in 6 days--THIS IS A FACT! Any theory contradicting the Scriptures is false, end of discussion.

3) I'm an ignorant, foolish, self-centered retard. Therefore this explanation comforts my inability to comprehend modern science and my insecurities about life and death.

"Against Gravity" also explains how Christ flew without the use of modern "aerodynamics" and, as Nancy Wilson points out, how girls who touch often (i.e. hug, play games, curl each others hair, etc.) are insecure in God's word and might have homosexual leanings--oh my!

Unfortunately I think I might need to get a new sarcasm meter. As I was typing this entry it went from the "Critical" reading to "Broke as Fuck!" reading. I think I'll have a beer and play some videogames.